10 Biggest Adjustments Fleeing Californians Have To Make In Their New States

10 Biggest Adjustments Fleeing Californians Have To Make In Their New States

BabylonBee.com

LIFE

Hundreds of thousands of people are fleeing California for states like Texas and Florida, but it's not always easy to adjust to life in an American state.

Let's look at the 10 biggest adjustments fleeing Californians have to make in their new states:

1. Strange wet stuff falls from the sky once in a while. Try not to drive your car into a pole when this happens. Take a deep breath. You will get through it.
2. People don't say "The" in front of highway names. If you're driving on I-10 in Texas, you'll feel the urge to say "The 10," but don't do it. It's wrong.
3. You can't wear flip-flops to church. Not even your "nice" Vans flip-flops. Put on shoes like an adult.
4. There's no need to call the police if you see someone with a gun strapped to their hip. It's OK. The guns can't jump out and hurt you, no matter what Newsom told you back in California.
5. "Bless your heart" doesn't mean "bless your heart." Well, it might mean "bless your heart," but it's a safer bet that it means "that person's weird," or "you're an idiot," or "I don't like you." Or, it's a simple ending to a statement you've made about someone that you don't want to feel bad about.
6. No one cares about your preferred pronouns. Go ahead and tell an old farmer in Oklahoma that you go by "they" pronouns. The look on his face will be worth it.
7. Man-buns are unacceptable in a professional setting. Or any setting.
8. You have to go into buildings without any kind of official warning that something inside there might cause cancer. You will just have to take the chance. Be strong.
9. The weather cycles from hot to cold and back again on an annual basis. Do not be alarmed. These are called "seasons."
10. You might have to make your own choices and take responsibility for your actions without the government taking care of you. This is the most difficult adjustment for Californians to make when they move to America, but with time, prayer (also acceptable in red states), and willpower, you can do it!

Those are just a few of the many adjustments ex-Californians will have to make. If you've thought of any others, please leave them in the comments below to help these poor communists to enjoy capitalism away from their homeland.

https://babylonbee.com/news/10-biggest-adjustments-fleeing-californians-have-to-make-in-their-new-states

Joe Biden: The George Costanza of Presidents

Joe Biden: The George Costanza of Presidents

BY MATT MARGOLIS  

Courtesy of YouTube/TBS

When I was a kid, Seinfeld was my favorite show.

We’ve been binging the show, which recently came to Netflix, for several weeks now, and it recently occurred to me that Joe Biden is the George Costanza of presidents.

George Costanza is obviously funnier than Joe Biden. We can laugh at George because he is a fictional character meant to make us laugh. Joe Biden, however, thinks he’s running the country and can make decisions that affect our lives. George may have been Jerry Seinfeld’s pathetic best friend, but Joe Biden is our pathetic president.

At least he’s playing the president on television.

Despite his decades serving in the U.S. Senate, it wasn’t until he ran for president that he seemed to discover the alleged problem of systemic racism in our country. If it were such a huge problem, why didn’t he try to fix it then? The same could go for any issue Biden has failed to address during his tenure in Washington. So what exactly has he been doing there all this time?

“My whole life has been a complete waste of time,” George Costanza once declared on Seinfeld. And that pretty much sums up Joe Biden’s political career as well. 

In one episode, an unemployed George is disappointed when Jerry tells a former acquaintance that George is a marine biologist.

“You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect,” George tells Jerry.

Joe Biden may not have wanted to pretend to be an architect, but he pretended to be a moderate to appear electable enough to win his party’s nomination and today pretends to be president even though he clearly has no idea what he’s doing. However, George Costanza would probably do a better job. It’s hard to say what Sleepy Joe is up to half the time, and he often appears confused, which is why he seems to take a lot of vacations. George Costanza once said, “I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.”

Somehow, I think Joe Biden wakes up feeling the same thing.

Recommended: How Accurate Are Biden’s Claims About the Economy?

One of the worst things about Biden, however, is his aversion to the truth. The Federalist has been keeping a tally of Biden’s lies, and it’s an impressive and disturbing list. Why? Because Joe Biden lies with such ease. He’s claimed that various problems that happened on his watch were the fault of Trump. He claimed that rioters killed Capitol Police officer Brian Sicknick. He said his massive social spending plan was already paid for. He said most Afghans evacuated from the country were vetted. So many lies, all repeated with ease. But, as George Costanza said, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.”

Sometimes I think Joe Biden must believe his lies to be able to tell them so easily. He’s even lied about his own life story, making up incidents that never happened for who knows what reason.

“I lie every second of the day,” George Costanza once said. “My whole life is a sham.” Yep, so is Joe Biden’s.

Joe Biden emulated George Constanza even before becoming president. In one episode of Seinfeld, George is desperate to have Jerry’s girlfriend like him. It becomes an obsession with him and leads to a series of poor decisions on his part. That episode reminds me of his selection of Kamala Harris as his running mate. Kamala Harris not only said she believed the women who accused Biden of sexual misconduct, but she also implied that Joe Biden was racist for his past support of busing and his willingness to work with segregationists to oppose it. The best moment of her presidential campaign was a planned attack on Biden. Yet Biden chose her to be on his ticket? George Costanza’s reaction to Jerry’s girlfriend hating him was also nonsensical. “This woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her,” he explained to Jerry.

Could Biden’s selection of Kamala Harris as his running mate have gone much different?

We can look back on Seinfeld’s nine seasons and laugh, but Biden’s presidency won’t be looked back upon so fondly. Joe Biden’s presidency has been a series of bad decisions. But, one day, I can see Joe Biden looking back on his presidency and having a George Costanza-like epiphany.

“It all became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life has been wrong,” George realized in the finale of season five. “My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat… It’s all been wrong. Every one.”

George at least managed to come to this realization and use it to his advantage in what became a classic Seinfeld episode. But, unfortunately, Joe Biden hasn’t had his epiphany yet, and, if he ever does, it’ll be too late.

https://pjmedia.com/columns/matt-margolis/2021/11/27/joe-biden-the-george-costanza-of-presidents-n1535886

The media’s ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ lunacy

 The media’s ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ lunacy

CNN commentators are having their Xi-Winnie the Pooh moment

NASCAR driver Brandon Brown (Getty)

Written by:

Stephen L. Miller

“Let’s Go Brandon” emerged as a niche anti-Biden meme after a NASCAR race in Talladega earlier this year. Sports reporter Kelli Stavast, was interviewing winning driver Brandon Brown when she turned her attention to the crowd, who at the moment, were cheering some choice words for current president Joe Biden. “Fuck Joe Biden” became “Let’s go Brandon” when Stavast, on air, tried to suggest that the crowd was showing support for Brown. Stavast does not appear to be a rank partisan, and it’s a stretch to think she was purposefully covering for the president as a CNN or MSNBC reporter might have done. Nonetheless, the meme took off and embedded itself into popular culture. At sports stadiums, football fans chanted it to poke fun at both Biden’s staggering disapproval ratings and the media’s eager attempts to shine the best possible light on a president whose administration is clearly in free-fall.

The appropriate reaction to the innocuous meme would be to laugh and let it go. President Biden has yet to be asked about it directly, but his reaction should be to say people are free to chant or say what they like and that the presidency is a tough job, but he thinks it’s funny.

Unfortunately for Biden, his presidency is run by humorless Twitter scolds on Twitter, and the media is, once again, doing what they do worst: overreacting and shouting “hate speech”. Matters came to a head this weekend when a reporter for the Associated Press who was working on a piece about the “Let’s Go Brandon” chant claimed a pilot of Southwest Airlines used the phrase to sign off once the plane had landed safely. The reporter, Colleen Long, went as far as admitting to asking the flight crew if she could enter the cockpit to interview the pilot, and cops to the fact she “probably sounded insane.”

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Other pundits reacted equally calmly. “Let’s Go Brandon” has become the MAGA version of ‘Sieg Heil,’” tweeted one CNN commentator. “As an experiment, I’d love for an @SouthwestAir pilot to say ‘Long live ISIS’ before taking off,” wrote another, who hilariously used to work for the FBI. “My guess is that 1) the plane would be immediately grounded; 2) the pilot fired; and 3) a statement issued by the airline within a matter of hours.”

There is now an open investigation into the pilot, the flight, the saying and the meaning, all being driven by a corporate media which has no idea how to cope with a harmless meme. These people seem to be unfamiliar with the Streisand Effect, the idea that the more you freak out over something minor, the more attention you draw to the minor thing, and the more people will join in the ensuing pile-on.

Cast your mind back to 2013, when an image of Barack Obama walking alongside Chinese president Xi Jinping sparked an internet parody, in which the two leaders were juxtaposed with Winnie the Pooh and Tigger. Comparisons of Xi and Pooh grew more common both online and off. In 2014, John Oliver made light of the similarities between the two. China responded by blocking HBO Go, the streaming service run by Oliver’s network.

China and its president were so incensed by the idea of the premier being compared to a yellow cartoon bear that they censored media companies and social media to stop the spread of the meme. Sound familiar?

China found the comparison of its premier to a lovable cartoon character so offensive that making it became a crime against the state. And as Joe Biden’s allies in the media continue to pour tears and ink into the “Let’s Go Brandon” joke, the same will happen here. Biden’s media allies may be able to minimize his dismal approval ratings, supply chain shortages, spiking gas prices and empty grocery shelves, but they are no match for a few sports stadiums having a little fun at the dear leader’s expense.

If Biden’s allies in the media think getting airline pilots fired over a meme will somehow improve the president’s disastrous approval ratings and convince the public that he’s doing just fine, they are as delusional as they are austere.

https://spectatorworld.com/topic/lets-go-brandon-media-southwest-airlines/

LOOSE ENDS (139)

LOOSE ENDS (139)

• Does anyone think that in the entire NFL over the last decade Jon Gruden is the only senior person who expressed impure thoughts on email or other internet media? As usual, the Babylon Bee has this covered accurately:

• Speaking of the Bee, its latest scoop is exposing that The Atlantic magazine’s Emma Green really is as vapid as most everyone else in the mainstream media. Green interviewed Bee impresario Kyle Mann, and the exchange includes these impossible-to-top bits:

Green: You guys wrote an article in January 2020 that was shared roughly 3 million times, claiming that Democrats called for the American flag to be flown at half-staff when the Iranian general Qasem Soleimani was killed in an American strike. What makes this funny? I know that’s the worst question to ask somebody who writes jokes.

Mann: It’s funny because General Soleimani died and then they called for flags to be flown at half-mast. Get it?

Green: But that’s what I’m saying. Besides just saying the joke again, what makes it funny?

Mann: Do you want me to explain the joke to you? Because the joke is that General Soleimani died and Democrats were sad. If you don’t know why that’s funny, then you’re not the audience for the joke. The funniest part is that it got fact-checked because it was so believable that Democrats would do that. That’s a real honor. . .

Green: I want to talk about one of the drawings in your new book—one at the beginning of Chapter 2, which is about race. It has three little stick figures: one that’s peach-colored that says “bad”; one next to it that’s gray that says “better”; and one to the right that says “best.” That one is black. Why do you think that is funny?

Mann: Well, it’s because being peach is not good. Being gray is better. And being black is best.

Green: Right, but you’re not just talking about stick figures. You’re making a joke about how progressives think about the hierarchy of race.

Mann: I’m not going to sit here and deconstruct and explain every joke to you. We’re taking this ridiculous position in order to mock something—to make fun of this idea that your skin color matters in setting up a hierarchy of the oppressed versus oppressor class. If you really don’t get the joke, I can’t help you.

Give up, Kyle. There is indeed no stopping people like Green from making fools of themselves, and providing you with more material.

• I noticed Friday when the news broke of the stabbing murder of British MP David Amess that initial news reports omitted any detail about the suspect arrested for the attack. The longer authorities and the media were silent about this, the more you suspected what was sure to come. A major clue came with authorities said the attack was likely “terror-related.”

And guess what? The BBC couldn’t conceal the news forever:

Whitehall officials told the BBC the man being held was Ali Harbi Ali, a British man of Somali heritage. The 25-year-old is being held under the Terrorism Act and officers have until Friday to question him. The BBC understands Mr Ali was referred to the counter-terrorist Prevent scheme some years ago, but was never a formal subject of interest to MI5.

So another lone “known wolf.” At least there isn’t the usual “we don’t know what his motive might have been” nonsense.

Early investigations revealed a potential motivation linked to Islamic extremism, police said on Friday.

Chaser—A reminder from earlier in the week:

Bow-and-Arrow Rampage in Norway Treated as Apparent Terrorist Attack

A 37-year-old man was charged on Thursday in connection with a bow-and-arrow rampage in a small town in Norway that killed five people and wounded three others, in what the authorities said was an apparent act of terrorism.

The police identified the suspect in the grisly assault in the town of Kongsberg, about 50 miles southwest of Oslo, as Espen Andersen Brathen. . .

Officials said Thursday that the assailant was a Danish citizen who lived in the town and who had converted to Islam, but did not say when that happened, why his conversion had raised concerns or what action the authorities had taken.

“We have previously been in contact with him regarding worries about radicalization,” Ole Bredrup Saeverud, the regional police chief, said at a news conference before the suspect was named. Asked whether the assailant might have been motivated by extreme religious ideology, he added, “We don’t know that, but it’s natural to ask the question.”

“Natural to ask the question.” You don’t say.

https://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2021/10/loose-ends-139.php

THAT’S NOT FUNNY!

THAT’S NOT FUNNY!

BY JOHN HINDERAKER IN MEDIA BIAS

The New York Times, which these days is the Democratic Party’s goon squad, is trying to drive the Babylon Bee out of existence. The Bee hilariously mocks liberalism, and if there is anything liberals can’t tolerate it is humor. So the Times is trying to get social media sites to shut the Bee down. Tyler O’Neil of PJ Media reports:

Seth Dillon, CEO of The Babylon Bee, told PJ Media that the Christian satire site is considering legal options after The New York Times published an article accusing the Bee of having “trafficked in misinformation under the guise of satire.” In an email to subscribers, Dillon had said the Times’ claim “is false and defamatory.”

It certainly is! The Babylon Bee proudly describes itself as a satire site. To say that it has “trafficked in misinformation under the guise of satire” is a claim so stupid that the New York Times is one of the few “news” sites low-grade enough to assert it.

On Friday, the Times published an article about the difficulty that social media platforms have in distinguishing false news reporting from satire, focusing sympathetically on a left-wing cartoonist. In that article, Times reporter Mike Isaac wrote:

But satire kept popping up as a blind spot. In 2019 and 2020, Facebook often dealt with far-right misinformation sites that used “satire” claims to protect their presence on the platform, Mr. Brooking said. For example, The Babylon Bee, a right-leaning site, frequently trafficked in misinformation under the guise of satire.

O’Neil notes that the phrase “trafficked in misinformation” links to a New York Times article that–naturally–did not accuse the Bee of trafficking in misinformation, let alone doing so “frequently.” The closest that linked article came was this paragraph:

The Bee found itself walking the thin line between satire and fact in 2018, when it joked that CNN purchased an “industrial-sized washing machine for spinning the news.” However obvious it should have been that the comment resided on the satirical side of the ledger, it still led to an awkward vetting by the fact-checking website Snopes and Facebook.

You really have to laugh. For the “That’s not funny!” left-wingers at the Times, the “thin line between satire and fact” runs through a story on CNN buying an “industrial-sized washing machine for spinning the news.” Times reporters must think that the rest of us are as clueless as their dim readers, who apparently can’t get the joke.

From a legal standpoint, though, the Times has a worse problem. Its own reporting has already negated the claim asserted in Isaac’s article:

Yet the story gets even worse for the Times. Last October, Kevin Roose wrote an article in the “Tracking Viral Misinformation” section.

Roose interviewed Emma Goldberg, another New York Times reporter. He asked her whether the Bee uses its status as a satire site “to traffic in misinformation under the guise of comedy.” Goldberg refused to say whether or not she thought this was “a deliberate strategy,” instead arguing that “their pieces can sometimes be easily mistaken for real news.”

At the end of the interview, however, Roose and Goldberg concluded that “The Babylon Bee is not a covert disinformation operation disguised as a right-wing satire site, and is in fact trying to do comedy, but may inadvertently be spreading bad information when people take their stories too seriously.”

So this is reminiscent of Sarah Palin’s defamation lawsuit against the Times, in which the Times editorial board, to try to defend against her claim, had to assert that it was ignorant of its own paper’s reporting. As the saying goes, these people don’t embarrass easy.

The Times has descended to such a level of incompetence that one wonders whether it is even worthwhile to attack it anymore.

https://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2021/03/thats-not-funny-2.php

Hilarious takedown of Dems' shifting accusations...'collusion' to 'quid pro quo' to 'extortion' to 'bribery'

By Thomas Lifson

The Trump campaign rapid response team are on their toes.  They just emailed a hilarious response to the start of hearings today:

High Crimes (and Focus Groups!)

Impeachment "is about patriotism. It's not about politics," a very sad and somber Nancy Pelosi insisted again yesterday. "It's not about anything political. It's about patriotism."

Actually, it's about polling.

The Washington Post reports today that "Democrats have stopped using the term 'quid pro quo,' instead describing 'bribery' as a more direct summation of Trump's alleged conduct." Why?

"The shift came after the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee conducted focus groups in key House battlegrounds in recent weeks, testing messages related to impeachment. Among the questions put to participants was whether 'quid pro quo,' 'extortion' or 'bribery' was a more compelling description of Trump's conduct. According to two people familiar with the results, which circulated among Democrats this week, the focus groups found 'bribery' to be most damning."

Got that? The impeachment of the President will be determined by testing various accusations on focus groups in key House battlegrounds. (Just as our nation's Founders intended!)

Democrats aren't "following the facts"—they're using polls to figure out what crimes to accuse the President of. What a joke.

- Matt Wolking, Deputy Communications Director - Rapid Response

 https://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2019/11/hilarious_takedown_of_dems_shifting_accusations_collusion_to_quid_pro_quo_to_extortion_to_bribery.html